Blogged Down

This assignment turns out to be unexpectedly challenging.  I spend hours looking at blogs in realms that interest me…  travel, international development, politics,  gardening, ecological innovation, health… the more I look, the more frustrated I feel.  Don’t get me wrong—there are some terrific blogs, intelligent and well written.  Some would be exactly what I would want to do if I had the connections and the expertise to write about those particular topics.  But many blogs feel self-indulgent or rant-y or too obviously designed as marketing tools.  The bottom line is that after hours of research, and perusal of what feels like hundreds of blogs (though in reality it was probably more like dozens), I can’t find a single one I want to write about.  I'm getting blogged-down, and I’m feeling anxious.  Maybe blogging just isn’t for me?  Maybe I should just stick to objective third-person accounts of other people’s stories…

It’s right about then that I land on a link to a list of blogs by... women.  Doesn’t look promising. I am generally vaguely uncomfortable with things designed “for women only”-- women in media events, women-only book clubs, awards for female achievers … I avoid things that feel exclusionary-- that includes excluding men.  Besides, “women only”, has always felt like an admission of weakness-- that we need to shrink the playing field -- and create our own little girls’ clubs-- to succeed.   

So I’m tempted to skip this “women’s” blog list altogether. But because I need to finish my assignment, I halfheartedly scan the list.  Several of the blogs deal with motherhood and mid-life issues.  I’m not a mom.  And even though I have hit the big five-oh milestone, ruminating publicly about that fact makes me slightly queasy.

Nevertheless, I click on a blog called mymidlifemayhem.wordpress.com. The photo is of a woman holding large stretchy granny-undies in front of the camera. Arg. No! No! Noooo!  But curiosity and 

deadline desperation get the better of me.  Turns out, the author, Louisa Simmonds, is witty, self-deprecating and deliciously irreverent.   I find myself marveling at her ability to “put it all out there,” simultaneously providing deeper insight on difficult teen-agers, a grumpy husband and “losing her looks”.  I will never have what it takes to post a photo of myself holding any kind of underwear.  But I appreciate what Louisa is doing.  It is brave and clever.   It spurs me on.  I hit the link to the next blog--theviewatmidlife.blogspot.ca -- with newfound humility.

On first glance, this one looks pretty non-descript.  It does not yell “Look at Me!.” No fancy photos and multicoloured font.  The text and title are deceptively is plain and simple: The View at Midlife:  Essays from a 50+ Mom. 

What’s immediately apparent, is that the author, Amy Ruhlin, does some lovely writing. But what holds my attention is its depth.   Amy taps into matters of the mid-life soul, and its quest for meaning.   She doesn’t sugarcoat aging.  She doesn’t try to persuade us (or herself) that 50 is the new 40.  And she doesn’t make light of the aging process.  Instead, she faces it head-on with courage and compassion.  She explores the moments of self-doubt, wistfulness, even sadness, that come with mid-life introspection.  In one essay, she talks about coming to terms with feeling “stalled” as her friends reinvent themselves.  Another particularly poignant post is about her husband of 30 years, and her realization that he, too, is getting older.   Amy’s love and respect for her partner resonate deeply with me. 

I like Amy’s blog because it dares to explore thoughts and feelings that too often remain buried beneath layers of denial and the fear of getting old.  She takes readers on an enriching – and ultimately reassuring—journey.  Her writing will remind me to try to be as thoughtful, as inquiring, and as honest as I embark on my own journey.